


If only everyday was this fantastic

by Sociopathicnutellaeggplant



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Blood, Creepy smiles, Dominant Shizuo, M/M, Minor Character Death, Romance, Sexy Time, Shinra cringing, Stealing, creeped out Celty, false alarm guys, hit men, possible kidnapping, scared Shinra, something wrong with Izaya
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-21
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-10-22 03:59:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10689312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sociopathicnutellaeggplant/pseuds/Sociopathicnutellaeggplant
Summary: I just wanted to say that we should say something to Izaya!" With those words, Celty backs down. Shinra continues talking when she does. "He's been in the same spot for three days now. I'm not even sure I've seen him eat... or blink for that matter. It's been creeping me out, Celty!"





	If only everyday was this fantastic

‘Oh~ how dreamy’ Izaya thought as he watched from on top of a power line. 

This consistent stalking attitude of his has gotten out of hand. His best friend, Shinra (and only friend. Even dear little Shinra denies their friendship most of the time), decides it's time to get him to stop or grow a pair of nice juicy balls. 

"Oh Celty~" Shinra coos to the woman he claimed to love. 

This love of his was asked on a daily basis if she is being held hostage or blackmailed. She even got offers from hitmen to "free her", this offer also being free of charge. 

At times like these, when she was peacefully staring out into the sunset, well, let's just say she leans a little closer to the pile of papers with numbers on them. So, here we are, the beautiful Celty basically leaning on a pile of paper and her "love" bouncing toward her like a lunatic. She hits him away instinctively, thinking this is another one of his attempts to mate with her, which she can't be blamed for, considering the male asks more than a dozen times a day. 

Suddenly, Shinra sits up straight next to her and turns serious. She instantly jumps to the conclusion that one of his many experiments has gone wrong... again. 

"No, my experiment has not gone wrong again" he sighed, being so used to the question that she doesn't even need to ask. "Unless you count-" UPPER CUT! 

"Ow! I'm sorry! I just wanted to say that we should say something to Izaya!" With those words, Celty backs down. Shinra continues talking when she does. "He's been in the same spot for three days now. I'm not even sure I've seen him eat... or blink for that matter. It's been creeping me out, Celty!" Celty nodded furiously in agreement. 

After about half a dozen refusals to mate, celty was off to try to "talk" some sense into Izaya... or get him to blink. She sits next to him on the power line, gracefully, as Shinra observes her, purely scientific purposes of course. 

She silently goes to poke him. 

She succeeds in poking him. 

He does not blink. 

Celty moves away from fear and looks over at Shinra who is obviously cringing. He gives her a shaky smile and she goes in for another attempt. This time, she slowly moves her nail toward his eye, confident that if this does not get him to blink, nothing will. Her nail moves less than a millimetre away from his eyeball and she flinches back. 

'Creepy!'

As she is about to retreat, the lid of his eye slowly closes, not both, just one. If it weren't for the leaves moving through the wind, she would think time was slowing down, but no. That's not what's happening here. No sir. The smile that creeps onto Izaya's face is the icing on the cake, sweet and beautiful if done right, otherwise a horrible disaster that ruins the entire cake. Unfortunately for all observing, this was not the work of a certified cake decorator, professional or artist. Cyclone Mahina would be put to shame when compared with this smile. 

Number of deaths recorded from Izaya's smile: uhh is Shinra okay? He's not moving 

1? 

Izaya, who seemed to not notice the commotion around him, including the possible death of his best friend (yet again, and only). He just sighed, dazed by the figure below them. 

Shinra appeared next to celty and she jumped out of her skin again. 

Deaths so far: about 200 hit men who thought Shinra was dead.   
Cause: destruction of hope and short term happiness loss.

"Go talk to him~" Shinra whispered in Izaya's ear. The reaction was his friend being replaced with a big blob of red. This was no ordinary red, this was YouTube red, the white being the leaving of Izaya's soul. He was pushed from the power line, landing ungracefully behind the one who he had be observing. At this point, Izaya was gushing all kinds of fluids. Shizuo turned around, looking at the figure on the ground. He bent down.

"Uhhh, flea? Why are you bleeding so bad?" Izaya collapsed completely against the ground, closing his eyes that burned from the lack of blinking. 

"Wow, I think he has actually died this time." He poked at Izaya with his foot, making him twitch with happiness.

Deaths: an additional 500   
Cause: crushing the dreams of Izaya being dead 

Izaya rolled over onto his stomach, tongue sticking out, still twitching. 

"He has a nice ass" Shizuo mumbled to himself, thinking no one was listening. Izaya however, lost about another litre of blood in a sudden spirt. He slowly got himself up, smiling a bloody smile, the same smile that lacks very much artistic input. 

Shizuo looks at the hopeful look Izaya is giving him. He thinks he understands. Must be hard for a lonely bastard like him. 

"Want to mate?" Everything went quit. Izaya was frozen. Celty fell off the power pole, Shinra dived down to save her. They both laid motionless below the power line. 

Death count: 2000   
Cause: celty is a bae. Don't die baby! 

Shizuo danced seductively for Izaya, making him drool.

Izaya turned around, stuck his ass in the air and blushed. He shook that ass of his gently, waiting for what Shizuo will give him. Shizuo approached him, towering over him, dominating him. He does as Izaya desires and moves inside him, not slowly, not gently. Does Izaya care? No. He screams from bliss, moving against Shizuo. Izaya's cries are heard from every part of Ikebukuro. Celty covers her eyes. Shinra informs her that he wants to do the same thing they're doing. 

Izaya becomes exhausted from love making, collapsing from the pleasure his dream crush had given him. Shizuo takes a few sticks and moves up into a tree, waiting for Izaya to follow. He eagerly joins Shizuo into the tree, looking deeply into his eyes, completely love struck. Shizuo moved closer to Izaya, giving him a soft look. 

"Lets make a family together" he says gently. Shinra looks at celty slowly, keeping his voice low. "Uhh, does Shizuo know that Izaya is a man?" Celty fainted at his words and he fussed over her the entire time. 

No one decided to tell Shizuo that Izaya was a male. Shinra "borrowed" an egg from some unsuspecting female and placed it in their nest. He tried to convince Celty to make an egg with her, with the excuse that it was for their best friends. He got an upper cut. She would be far too concerned for the parents of any child of Shinra's. He made an experiment out of the whole ordeal, he yelled "snake" and observed if the mother would leave her child or not. He found a mothers instincts are not the strongest. Instinct for survival won in the end. 

When Shizuo got home, his eyes teared up, looking at Izaya with a soft smile. They both cared for the egg. Izaya was overjoyed. Shinra was happy, not as happy as he would be if his love mated with him. Celty was traumatised and Shizuo was feeling the same as Izaya. They both lived out their lives happy, being the happiest pigeons in the whole city. Shizuo never once questioned why their baby had such dark fur. Celty hit Shinra for obviously choosing a child from an entirely different ethnicity.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, they are pigeons.  
> No, I am not sorry.


End file.
